


Not So Clear Boundaries

by tessathetesla



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boundaries, F/M, Love Triangle, Marriage, Partnership
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessathetesla/pseuds/tessathetesla
Summary: "Our boundaries were clear then, I was partners with you and married to him!"-Melinda MayWhat if boundaries weren't as clear for partners Melinda May and Phil Coulson? This fic follows May and Coulson 5 years into their SHIELD partnership. Melinda May has been married to Andrew Garner for 4 years.May and Coulson have a close moment after a harrowing mission that reveals some feelings and the aftermath.
Relationships: Andrew Garner/Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Andrew Garner & Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Melinda May
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

The base was quiet, only a few agents left in the common room, celebrating after a particularly harrowing mission. Melinda May and Phil Coulson were both sitting on the couch, drinking some whiskey and icing their injuries. The two had been partners for five years now and were basically inseparable. Of course, other than Melinda going home to her husband Andrew every night.

Phil sipped his whiskey in deep thought. Melinda sat comfortably close to him, the years on missions and back at the Academy together made them the best of friends and the closest of partners. Phil just wished they could have been more than that. There was a chance, once. But then Andrew came into Melinda’s life. He had to become content being her partner, but nothing more.

As he became more lost in thought, Melinda snuggled closer to him on the couch, “Hmm? You okay, Melinda?”

“Oh, sorry Phil. Just was thinking about the mission today.” Melinda answered, taking the ice off her knee as she grabbed a nearby blanket. She hated icing her injuries, it made her feel so cold. She threw part of the blanket on Phil, when she noticed he was shivering a bit. The two got closer to share the blanket.

The mission, while ultimately a success, had almost ended in tragedy. Phil had nearly fallen to his death, only saved by a couple of wires he was able to land on off the building.. Melinda couldn’t stop thinking about it. Seeing him, about to fall, her, helpless as she was down on one knee with her own injury.

They had both had close calls. But this was the closest. The closest she had to losing him. She hadn’t left his side since they got back to the base. Normally, Melinda would be putting in her report and heading home to the arms of Andrew. But not tonight.

“I’m still here, I didn’t die, it’s okay, Mel.” Phil rubbed her back as she started to tear up.

“I know Phil, I know. It’s just, I thought you were gonna die. And I was helpless. Not strong enough. Weak.” Melinda said, feeling guilty even though Phil hadn’t suffered much more than a sore back as he had landed on the wires.

“Melinda, it’s not your job to keep me alive. It’s the whole team’s. It’s not all on you. We are all in it together.” Phil replied, realizing he kept his hand lingering on his back.

She shifted to look into his bright blue eyes. Damn how she loved his eyes. Filled with concern, or laughter, or snark. His eyes always showed his emotions. That’s why she had told him to wear glasses all those years ago.

“I’m happy you are okay.” Melinda answered, taking in deep breaths.

“Me too. I’d hate to die on you. Come on, there’s still some whiskey to be drank.” Phil grabbed the bottle off the table and poured another hefty glass for the each of them.

“To not dying” Phil said and the two clinked their glasses.

“To not dying.”

Phil and May finished their drinks and set them on the table. There was no one left in the common room as the night waned. The two partners stared into each others’ eyes. High emotions from Phil’s near death, the whiskey buzzing through their brains.

Phil knew that look Melinda gave him. He knew what she was about to do.

“Melinda…I…we shouldn’t…” Before Phil could answer, Melinda gave him long, passionate kiss. Phil returned it hungrily. He began to stroke her hair as the kiss deepened. She pulled into him close, grabbing his chest. Before they could go further, a noise startled them out of their revery, the lights out call for the cadets on the base.

They pulled back, both of them with a stunned face.

“Oh shit.” Melinda said as she realized what she had done.

Almost losing Phil had pushed her repressed feelings for him strongly to the surface. After she had married Drew, she had stuffed any thoughts of her and Phil down far into the depths of her soul. But the feelings had never gone away. They had just increased, deeply into her subconscious.

But she also loved Andrew.

The boundary between partner, friend, and someone she cared about deeply had broken.

“Phil…oh…damn that wasn’t right of me. I need to go.” Melinda answered, her face blushing red in embarrassment and shame. Her and Phil had kissed before, on undercover missions, and had let Andrew know afterwards. Those kisses didn’t have much feeling, they knew it was part of the job. But this one did. Sparks. Big sparks. And if the lights out call hadn’t sounded…

“Melinda…wait. You can’t drive home like this. I’ll get a cadet to take you home.” Phil answered, knowing he was too buzzed to drive her himself. Plus, he had a feeling that Melinda needed some alone time.

After Melinda had left the base, Phil went back to the common room to clean up. He saw the blanket they shared, the whiskey which was much more drank than he realized. “ _Oh man. This isn’t good. Damn we really messed up_.” Phil thought as he could still smell Melinda on him.

Not only did he kiss a married woman, but SHIELD also had strict policies considering partners in the field. If partners developed feelings for each other, they were supposed to tell their commanding officers. And most of the time, that partner team was split up. SHIELD couldn’t afford to have agents’ emotions cloud their judgment.

>>>>>>

Andrew went to bed alone, not for the first time, and not for the last. He understood that’s what life was like being married to a SHIELD agent. Sometimes missions went late. And it’s not like they could exactly tell him where they were and what they were doing, due to classified information.

He stayed up studying some patient cases, to get ready for another full day of analyzing people for a living. Melinda had strictly forbidden him from analyzing her. She shared with him some things from the mission field, but not a lot. Sometimes, Andrew couldn’t help feel but a little jealous of Phil Coulson. He spent 12, sometimes 16 hours a day with Melinda. He knew that wasn’t fair, since most of that time was usually being in danger.

Melinda was very different at home than he knew her to be in the field. He often just got the exhausted, tired Melinda. Not the mischievous, snarky Melinda that he first married. He knew the most recent year of missions have been particularly hard on her. With her and Phil rising quickly in the ranks of SHIELD, it meant they went on more dangerous missions. The wear and tear starting to show, and it had been almost a year since Melinda had gotten more than a day off.

Maybe he could talk to Phil. Demand they take a week off. Melinda would never request such a thing, but he could convince Phil too. Andrew started to get sleepy, and saw a text on his phone from Phil.

[Sorry, mission went late. Mel is on her way now- Phil]

Andrew wondered by Phil sent the text and not Melinda. Maybe Mel was driving. The base was a half hour away, and he didn’t think he could quite stay up for her. So he settled into the bed, hoping he would hear her once she came in.

Melinda came in, sleepy, not even bothering to change out of her clothes. Andrew could smell a faint whiff of whiskey on her breath as she climbed into bed with him. He gave her a kiss. It wasn’t a passionate one, Melinda didn’t really return it. But he smelled another scent on her hair. Phil.

Thinking it was just his imagination, he whispered good night to Mel. She mumbled a reply, and two fell asleep.

>>>

It was 6 am and Melinda was already up and getting ready for the day. Andrew, bleary eyed, got out of bed. “Mel, why are you up so early? I thought the mission went late last night?” He started making coffee for himself.

“Oh, well, duty calls, another case already. The beauty of being level 5 agents.” Melinda barely gave eye contact to Drew.

“Phil stopping by? I can make him a to-go mug.” Andrew answered, knowing Phil usually picked up Melinda with the case files in tow.

“No…not this morning. We are meeting at the base this time.” Melinda answered, downing the rest of her green smoothie and heading out the door.

“Melinda…I love you.” Andrew said as she left as was his tradition. He always wanted her to know he loved her. Melinda struggled with feeling worthy of his love.

Melinda didn’t answer her usual, “Love you too Drew,” before she headed out the door. It was then that Andrew knew something had happened.

“Oh boy.”


	2. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda and Phil talk about what happened the night before. Melinda confesses her feelings.

Phil woke up to a text from Melinda that said “We need to talk.”

They were supposed to be at the base by mid-day to finalize the mission report. SHIELD also wanted them to have their mental health evaluated before going back into the field after Phil’s near fatal fall.

Mel decided to meet Phil at a coffee shop near the base. No way they wanted to discuss what had happened on the base with many listening ears.

He didn’t know what Melinda had told Andrew. But Andrew was a psychiatrist and even though Melinda was a super spy, he could read her better than anyone else. Likely she had given tells that something was up. It was not a conversation he was looking forward to have.

Phil got to the coffee shop before Mel and ordered his usual shot in the dark. He ordered her a matcha green tea. She came into the cafe, looking haggard. She obviously hadn’t slept well last night.

“Here’s your tea, Melinda.” Phil said as she sat down and took a few small sips.

“So…have you talked to Andrew yet?” Phil asked, feeling the weight of guilt bearing down on him.

Melinda gave him a somber look, “No, not yet. He thinks we are on another mission. I couldn’t look him in the eye this morning, Phil.”

“Damn. Melinda. I’m so so sorry. We shouldn’t have kissed. I shouldn’t have shared a blanket with you. We shouldn’t have gotten that close after such an emotional day.” Phil said quickly, words pouring out as his shame shone on his face.

“No, Phil. It’s my fault. You were just being a good partner. Making sure I was okay.” Melinda answered, wanting to put her hand on Phil’s but knowing she shouldn’t.

“What happened, May?” Phil asked knowing that Melinda had feelings for him years earlier, but figured those went away once she married Andrew.

“I…I don’t know Phil. I saw you, looked in your eyes as you began to fall. And…all my feelings. They just came back. Phil, I never stopped caring for you. I just sort of…hid them once I married Andrew.” Melinda was sharing more than she normally would. She didn’t know if it was the hangover or the guilt but she needed to get the words out.

Phil could barely move, “Melinda, are you saying?”

“I love you, Phil.”

Phil let out a long breath. “That’s…a lot to take in, Mel. I…I don’t know. I care for you. But I can’t do this to you, or Andrew, it’s not fair.”

Melinda looked into the eyes of her partner, his eyes softening, “I know, it’s not fair for either of you.”

Phil’s blue eyes hardened, “But you still love Andrew.”

Melinda nodded, “Yes. I think so, at least. It’s hard. Andrew gets to see me outside of SHIELD. He fell in love with the person Melinda May. But not Agent May. You’ve seen both.”

It was Phil’s turn to nod, “Yes. I guess I have. I’ve seen you outside of SHIELD and inside of SHIELD. I know Melinda and I know May.”

“I think Andrew represents a life I could have outside of SHIELD. But that life, really, is fake. I don’t know who I am outside of SHIELD.”

“I believe you do, Melinda. You are just too afraid to see it. Why do you think you keep taking mission after mission? We haven’t had more than a day off in over a year.” Phil answered, his own personal life on hold because of so much work.

“I guess…I just…have lost myself in work. I’m just Agent May. And Andrew has seen less and less of who he fell in love with.”

“So what are we going to do?” Phil asked.

“First of all, I need to talk to Drew. And you do too.” She answered, finishing her green tea.

“And then we might need to talk to Fury. I don’t know if we should be partners anymore, Phil.” Melinda replied, digging an emotional knife into Phil’s heart.

“Melinda. Let’s talk to Drew first. Then let’s see. We need to take some time off. Emotions and the alcohol are still affecting us.” Phil answered, hoping he could fight to stay Melinda’s partner. He didn’t want to lose that. It’s probably why he closed off his feelings for her. Which, of course, came raging back when they kissed. He was shocked how natural it had felt. How easily he wanted to just keep kissing her, and more.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back home. I’ll talk to him first.” Melinda said, getting up and taking her things.

“I’ll call him later today.”

“Thanks, Phil. I know, this isn’t easy. Our boundaries used to be so clear.”

“I know.”


	3. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda confesses to Andrew what happened the night before. Andrew wants her to take time off of SHIELD.

Andrew hadn’t left for work yet, his first client cancelled, so he had a few hours. Andrew couldn’t help but feel a sickening punch to the stomach. Something had happened last night with Melinda and Phil. He didn’t know what it was, or the extent. But he knew alcohol was involved, and he swore he could smell a faint whiff of Phil’s cologne on Melinda’s hair. Based on Mel’s reaction this morning, he knew they had crossed a line.

Andrew sipped his coffee, internalizing his thoughts. He cursed his ability to analyze people. Ignorance was sometimes bliss.

He heard the front door open. “Melinda?”

She stood in the front room, biting her lips. “Andrew, we need to talk.”

“I’m assuming no mission today, then?” Melinda looked away as he said that.

“No. You are gonna want to be seated for this.”

“Melinda, I sort of know what’s going on. I can read you like a book, even if you don’t want me to. A blessing and a curse.” Andrew replied, moving to sit down on the couch. Melinda stayed standing.

“I kissed Phil last night. Not just a peck. Not just on the cheek. But…” she couldn’t finish. Andrew could tell from her face that it was no ordinary kiss.

“Okay…on the mission?” Andrew answered, knowing they had to go undercover occasionally as a couple.

“No. We were cuddling on the couch in the common room. Phil almost died, Andrew. He almost fell to his death on our mission. And I was helpless. He barely survived. So, everyone, after the mission, went to the common room to have drinks and celebrate a successful mission. And to toast Phil for not dying.” Melinda shared, more than she usually would. But it was as if the guilt made her need to speak.

“Why were you cuddling?” Andrew asked, trying hard to not go into psychmode.

“I don’t know Andrew. I just…when he almost died and then he didn’t, I didn’t want to leave his side. I felt, I can’t explain it really, but I realized how fearful I was of losing him. Sure, he’s my partner, and that’s common. But this is more.”

“You love him, don’t you Melinda?” Andrew said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Yes.”

Silence permeated the air. Seconds passed before either of them spoke.

“Drew. I love you. It’s just…complicated.” Melinda’s voice was shaking, which was a rarity.

Andrew shifted in his seat, “Melinda, I think what I am is a healing salve. I’m the person you go to when SHIELD becomes too much. Your attempt at a life away from SHIELD.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“Did you request all those missions, one after another?” Andrew asked, realizing that it was only this year that she was seeming, distant.

“Yes. I just, I didn’t like who I was becoming. More battle hardened. Tired. Less joyful. So I dug myself into my work. Phil even put his personal life on hold, never complained though.” Melinda answered, deciding to sit as her emotions were getting the better of her.

Andrew mumbled under his breath, “I’m sure he didn’t.” and then continued in a louder voice, “Melinda, you know I love you no matter if you are the hardened agent or the mischievous, Vegas loving gal that I met all those years ago.”

“I know. I just didn’t feel worthy anymore of your love. You haven’t seen what I’ve had to do. I’ve…killed so many people. Yes, out of protecting others, always. But I’m a specialist now. That’s SHIELD speak for assassin, basically.”

“I should have realized it. You likely are suffering from PTSD. I can see why SHIELD sent me a mental health report to fill out today. They seem concerned about you too.” Andrew answered.

“Yes, we are supposed to do mental health evaluations this week. Especially after Phil’s close brush with death.” Melinda’s voice quivered, being transported back to that horrible moment.

“So, here’s what I think we should do. You should get your mental health evals. And I think you need to take time off. I’m going to email Fury directly.”

“Not us take time off?” May wondered out loud.

“No. Just you. And not with Phil either. Visiting your parents might be a good option. Your mom being in the CIA, they may be able to give some good perspective. You need to heal, and figure out who you are away from me, away from SHIELD.” Andrew pointed to her badge, sitting on the table. She had forgotten to grab it this morning, which is partially why Andrew knew she was lying to him this morning.

Melinda took a deep breath. “Okay. Deal. Yeah. That’s a good idea. Andrew. I’m so, so sorry. I’m so sorry to be causing you pain.”

Andrew gave her a sad smile, “I can deal with this pain if that means you get healed up. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I want you to be whole and happy. How you get there, doesn’t matter. Even if it means I don’t end up in the picture.”

“Drew…”

“I gotta go to work, Melinda. But I will be emailing Fury and sending in my report. See you”

For the first time since they got married, Drew didn’t say “I love you” when he left the house.

Melinda sat there with tears streaming down her face.


	4. In Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil has a conversation with Nick Fury about Melinda and working too much.

Phil wandered the halls of the SHIELD base, feeling awful. Not to mention his back screaming from landing on wires, but that was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. He shouldn’t have returned the kiss.

“You look terrible, Phil, bad day?” Fury’s voice boomed behind him.

Phil turned around, frowning, “Bad day is what you say when your kid strikes out. Today was a kick in the balls.”

“Come on, Coulson. Office, now.” Fury commanded as Phil slinked his way behind his former S.O.

The two agents sat down in Fury’s office, as Fury locked the door and commanded a cadet to not let anyone in other than in an emergency.

“So, Phil, you gonna talk or do I need to pry it out of you?”

“What do you know, Nick?” Coulson answered, not ready to divulge about kissing May.

“I know you and Melinda kissed. I know you almost died last night. And I know Melinda, and you have been deteriorating mentally.” Fury was always straight to the point. That’s why Phil liked him, and May for that matter. They never had to mince words.

“How did you…did Melinda…?” Phil sputtered, turning red.

“I saw it, Phil. I had heard both of you were in the common room, and wanted to give you some forms to feel out for your eval. I was in the hallway, saw you two getting close, didn’t want to disturb, especially…” Fury answered, pouring a mug of coffee and drinking.

“Oh. Um. Yeah. So.” Phil couldn’t get any words out.

“Out with it, son, we don’t have all day.” Fury took another sip of his coffee.

“Okay, Melinda and I were just celebrating a successful mission. The agents wanted to toast to me surviving my near fatal fall. We had some drinks, we were icing our injuries, so May grabbed a blanket and we sort of kept hanging out on the couch.” Phil answered, feeling like a teenager confessing to his parents.

“Okay, not uncommon, but continue.”

“And I guess our emotions just spilled out. Melinda said she had felt a helplessness and after that, didn’t really want to leave my side the rest of the night. Usually, she finishes her report to get home before Andrew goes to bed.” Phil rubbed his head. They really must have drank way more than they thought.

“Well the nearly empty bottle of whiskey I saw on the table probably contributed to that.” Fury answered, after May and Coulson left the common room, Fury had investigated. Didn’t take a super spy to see the blanket, two glasses, and a nearly empty bottle of whiskey to figure out what had happened.

“Yeah, still feeling that today. I don’t know what to do, Nick. You know I’ve always had feelings for May. But of course, when she married Andrew, I pushed those feelings away. Apparently she had similar feelings, and those came out when I nearly died.” Phil said, reliving all of the previous day once again.

“These things do happen in SHIELD. That’s why we encourage our agents to not get married. But we don’t forbid it, of course. And May, she’s one of our best agents. Usually able to compartmentalize her feelings with the job. But no one is perfect. And you have both been working nearly nonstop.” Fury looked at May and Coulson’s files, open on his desk.

“Yeah…May just kept taking missions. Honestly, I didn’t mind. My personal life wasn’t going anywhere, and more time with May is always a good thing.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t blame you. But this is a serious situation. I am going to order that Agent May takes time off. And that you take some time off the field, Phil. You both need some separation right now.” Fury answered solemnly. He didn’t like having to put his best agents on the bench. But having two burnt out, overly emotional agents wouldn’t help either.

“Yes sir. That’s probably for the best.”

Coulson left the office, deciding to go find an empty bunk and take a nap. His headache grew worse. And his back was on fire now. As he dug out pain meds out of his pocket, he nearly ran headlong into Melinda.

“Oh…hi…May.” Coulson answered, not trusting himself to call her Melinda.

“Hi Coulson. Um, just getting my mental evals done.”

“Yeah. So, talked to Fury. He apparently saw what happened last night.”

“Oh, he did. Ooof. That’s awkward. Well I talked to Andrew. He was angry, and sad. But strangely understanding of the situation. After I get my evals down, I’m leaving town for awhile. Andrew is recommending it.”

Phil swallowed hard, “Yeah, Fury is actually going to order it. So you and Andrew taking some time together?”

May bit her lip, “No, he wants me to go alone. Figure how who I am. Away from him, away from you, away from SHIELD. Soul searching, my favorite.” May rolled her eyes. Dealing with her emotions was literally the last thing she ever wanted to do.

“Oh. Yeah. He’s right, Melinda. You do need to figure this out. And, my hope is that you find what you are looking for. Whatever that means. Whether it’s with Andrew or me, or not at all. Whether with SHIELD or without. I support you no matter what.” Phil dared to put his hand on her shoulder.

“Andrew said the same thing to me. I don’t deserve either of you.” Melinda shook her head and left.

Phil stood there, tears in his eyes. May, once again, believing she wasn’t worthy of happiness. He wished she didn’t carry that pain. And he would do anything to help her feel worthy of love. Whether it was his love, or Andrew’s, or her own, she deserved it.


	5. Two Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda leaves SHIELD, leaves Andrew, and leaves Phil hanging. That is, until a distress call from Phil brings Melinda and Andrew together to find him.

Two years had passed. Melinda May had not returned to SHIELD. She did not return to Andrew. And she hadn’t even talked to Phil in over a year.

Both Andrew and Phil didn’t even know where she was these days, although Fury said he regularly checked up on her through back channels.

Phil had dove back into work, shortly after he was cleared for field duty. He didn’t take another partner, but worked with other agents here and there, and almost always with a team. Sometimes he did go in alone though, so Fury made him go through intensive combat training. He wasn’t merely a comms agent anymore, especially with his specialist partner gone.

Andrew, oddly enough, had accepted an offer from Fury to become the base’s psychiatrist and mental health specialist. After seeing what had happened to Melinda, he didn’t want other agents to suffer the same problems.

Which meant, Phil and Andrew crossed paths from time to time. Giving each other a knowing eye. The woman they both loved had left. Seemingly never to return.

Andrew had tried, oh how he tried. But the more he did, the further away Melinda would go. Phil took a different approach, giving her as much space as possible. It seemed like no matter what, the men couldn’t get through to her.

They knew Melinda wasn’t in SHIELD anymore, but with her mom’s CIA connections, they had both wondered if she joined the CIA. It seems odd to imagine May just hanging out golfing somewhere in an early retirement. It would drive her nuts. She would be involved in espionage somehow. It would also explain how Fury knew she was okay, but also why he couldn’t say what he was up to.

Andrew was finishing up another evaluation of a young agent who had to deal with the death of his supervising officer. “Don’t know why I took this job. All I deal with is pain.”

But in a sense, knowing he could help these agents meant that at least indirectly, he was helping Melinda. He had to hope.

Phil had been gone off base for a few months now, apparently on a very classified, very serious mission. It had almost been two years to the day since that fateful mission, and Andrew couldn’t help but thinking what would be different if she had just gone back home that night instead of celebrating with Phil.

Andrew found it nearly impossible to go to the common room. The same couch was there. He noticed Phil avoided the common room was well, the rare times he was on base.

As Andrew began to head back to his office, he felt a ding on his phone.

It was from from blocked number.

[Find Melinda. It is the only way. Tell her to find me. She will know. TELL NO ONE ELSE- AC]

 _What in the?_ Andrew thought. It had to be from Coulson. He was in trouble. Major trouble. And if he didn’t want Andrew to tell anyone else, it meant the base had been compromised.

Andrew quickly left the base and found the one payphone still in town. He called May’s mom on a secure number that she had given him the very last time he talked to Melinda.

“Go ahead.”

“I need Melinda”

“Not this again, Andrew, this is for emergencies only.”

“It is. I can’t say why. Only that Melinda is the only person who can help. Please.”

“Okay, I’ll put you through the her.”

Andrew shifted nervously, knowing his very life could be in danger right now. “Andrew, why are you…?”

“Melinda shut up and listen to me. Phil is in trouble. He’s gone dark. He got a message to me saying you were the only person who could find him. He said to tell no one. The base has been compromised.”

Silence.

“Mel?”

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking. Okay, I know a few places he could be. Go to our safe place, I’ll have my agents pick you up from there.”

“What? I’m not going…”

“The safest place you will be is with me. If Phil is in trouble and the base is compromised, you aren’t safe. The codeword will be the whiskey we drank on our first date. I’m not sure how secure this channel is.”

“Okay, Mel. Thanks.”

Melinda got off the comms with her agents. She didn’t tell Andrew, but she had both SHIELD and CIA agents tailing him at all times. She had made lots of enemies over the years, and even though her and Andrew weren’t together anymore, it would still hurt her if he died as a result of her job.

She rested her head in the car, headed on a jet so she could meet up with Andrew and go find Phil. She knew tomorrow was the day they had kissed, two years ago. _The man always finds a way to come back into my life, doesn’t he._

A few hours later, she was welcomed with Andrew coming up on the jet in tow with her best agents. She held her breath. May had thought she would feel happiness at seeing Andrew, but instead, pain just burned in her heart. She tried to put on a small smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, good to see you. Not under the best circumstances though.”

“Yeah, I put in some feelers, it appears Coulson went on a mission to Belarus and went dark over 3 weeks ago. He was supposed to check in within a week’s time. No one knows where he is. But I have an idea.” Melinda answered, plugging in the coordinates and hopping in the pilot seat. Her and Andrew were going alone. If SHIELD was compromised, CIA might be too. They had to go in dark as well.

The flight went by in silence. Andrew tried to talk to Melinda, but she was more stoic than he’d ever seen. He resigned himself to take a nap and take stock of their supplies.

Finally, Melinda broke the ice, “So, you joined SHIELD.”

“Yeah…Fury wanted me to be the mental health specialist for the base. So that other agents had the support.”

“Because of me. Because I broke. Because I left.”

“Partially. But also Fury knew I had the experience of being married to a SHIELD agent. So I know what it’s like a SHIELD adjacent member.”

“SHIELD adjacent?” Melinda gave him a look

“Current slang for non-SHIELD relationship. Whether it’s a brother, significant other, we try to make sure that we hear from them too.” Andrew answered, realizing that relationships to a SHIELD agent, whether family or romantic was insanely complicated.

“So, you and Phil then see each other at the base then?” May asked, feeling uncomfortable bringing Phil up.

“Yeah, not too often. He’s off base more often than not.”

“Did he take another partner?”

Andrew sighed, “No, works with several different agents. Sometimes goes in alone. Dove into combat training. He’s almost a specialist now.”

Melinda grinned slightly at Phil becoming a fighter.

“You know, if you ever come back to SHIELD. I’ll leave. I wouldn’t want to make things uncomfortable for you.”

Melinda nodded somberly, “Thanks.”

The rest of the flight continued in silence. Andrew knew that Melinda still cared for Phil. And based on her cold reaction to him on the plane, Andrew knew that Melinda was over him. Andrew wasn’t over her though. Not by a long shot. This was going to be a long night.


	6. Turn, turn, turn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission to find Phil does not go as planned, and loyalties are tested.

Phil Coulson was alone. In a safe house. Bloodied. He had been ambushed on mission, captured, tortured, and left to die in the snows of Belarus.

An old woman had come across him, as he lay there barely breathing. He managed to talk to her, get her to bring help. Her grandsons, young, teenage boys had carried him to their farm. They had patched him up best they could, but their supplies were limited.

Phil had managed to stop most of the bleeding, but he knew he needed true medical help. But he was in a foreign country, surrounded by enemies, he had gone dark, and no one knew where he was. Except Melinda.

He had a safe house not far from here, and he managed enough broken Russian to get them to bring him there. He feared for their safety, but they had brought an AK-47 with them so he knew they could at least defend themselves. The enemies that Phil had made had tried to take away their farm for themselves a month before. After a long fight, the enemies determined it wasn’t worth the effort and took over the farmhouse next over.

He had been in the safe house for two weeks now, supplies were low, his wounds weren’t healing. He knew he had about two days left before infection set in. He had hoped Andrew had gotten a message. He knew his position had gotten compromised which is why he got ambushed. Which meant someone in SHIELD was a mole.

He really hoped it wasn’t Andrew, but he had no other choice. He had sent a message on his burner phone. And he knew Melinda would have about a 30% chance to find this safe house. He had told her of three that he kept for emergencies, but no one, even Fury knew of this location.

Phil thought a lot about Melinda these days. He thought about her kiss. He thought about the mission in Russia. He thought what would have been different if he had asked her out before Andrew did. So many regrets. He may die before she comes, and even if she does come, it might not change anything between them.

>>>

Andrew and Melinda finally made it to the safe house in Belarus. May scouted the premises, then entered the cold, dark house.

“Phil?”

“Coulson?”

“Here” they heard a very weak voice coming from one of the bedrooms. Melinda entered and gasped. He was in bad shape. His face white from loss of blood. She immediately got out the medkit and started to patch him up. She even had a quart of blood ready to go, her CIA connections made her very, very prepared. She knew Phil might be in dire straits.

“I’m gonna go scout the other rooms, Melinda,” Andrew had said, pulling out a gun.

Mel gave him a look, “You have a gun?”

Andrew responded with a shrug, “Gotta be prepared, right?”

It took some time, but May was able to get Phil stable. He looked into her eyes, “You came. I knew you would.” He grabbed her hand, his emotions not hiding his relief at seeing her, finally.

Melinda squeezed his hand, “I would search the world for you, Phil.”

“So you still care for me?” Phil managed to choke out.

“I’ve never stopped loving you,” Melinda stroked his scruffy beard, he didn’t exactly have time to shave.

“But why didn’t you come back?” Phil wondered, the pain of not talking to her for over a year coming back to his heart.

“I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t think I deserved your love.” Melinda answered honestly, moving her hand to his chest.

“Melinda, you deserve the world. I love you,” Phil smiled weakly. They leaned in for a kiss.

Before the two could kiss, they heard a click of a pistol.

Andrew.

“Had to go give the contact your position.”

Phil grimaced, “You’re the mole.”

May stood up, rage and fury brimming to the surface. “Drew, why? Why would you betray me?”

Andrew’s voice quivered, “I…I got in too deep, Melinda.”

Phil growled, “What the hell does that mean?”

Andrew kept the pistol pointing at them, “My contact won’t be here for awhile, so I guess I should tell you the story. Maybe then you will forgive me. Or…not hunt me down at least.”

“Why not kill us?” May realized that Andrew could have killed them in so many different moments.

“Because you and Phil are the key. Your knowledge of CIA and SHIELD alone makes many, many people in dark corners know what you know.”

“So you gave us up, and now we’ll be tortured and killed for information.” May continued, her gaze stone cold.

“I didn’t want it to come to this, Melinda. Let me explain.”

Andrew began the story of how he became the mole, a betrayer, and a sneak.

“It all started about two and a half years ago. I admit, the long hours you had with Phil. The missions. Hearing about how many times you’ve gone undercover. The way you look at each other. I got jealous. I wanted to know if something more was happening between you two.

And so I began to use some of my less savory contacts to spy on you. I didn’t think it would amount to anything. I didn’t know that these contacts were enemies of SHIELD. I just thought, maybe I could, find out if you two were just partners, or something more.

So, at first it was just small nuggets of information. Then I started getting mysterious emails and messages. They wanted me to spy on you, Melinda. But I couldn’t tell them much. You rarely divulged information about your missions, and you were rarely home.

This meant they had to get a mole into SHIELD. I knew the best way to do that was to join SHIELD. But I didn’t know how. They suggested putting Phil in danger, ambushing the mission. Maybe he would get hurt. I hoped he wouldn’t die. But it would likely put you and Phil in a vulnerable position. So then SHIELD would hire me to do their mental health evaluations.

What had turned from just seeing if two were seeing each other behind my back, turned me into accidentally joining into a shady operation. I tried to get out of it at that point. I didn’t want Phil, or you, Melinda to get hurt. But they said they would kill the both of you if I didn’t comply.

So, they promised me a near fatal fall. The wires were put there by the spies I was in contact with.

The thing is, I realized in my early research, that the two of you weren’t seeing each other. Yes, you cared for each other as partners, but you didn’t ever cross a line. Until I made one of you almost die.

What I didn’t expect, is that you both would fall in love with each other. Or rather, fall in love with each other again.

And Melinda, when you came to bed last night. I could smell Phil on you. I knew, then. And so I dove in. I was hurt. I was mad. I wanted revenge.

And so, I drove you away on purpose. So I could turn into the SHIELD mole. And it worked. I thought that was the end of it. But it turns out, your enemies wanted information only you and Phil knew. You had gone off grid. So capturing Phil was the only way to bring you out from the dark.

I thought maybe, once we reunited, that your feelings would come back. That we could be together. But your coldness made it so obvious that you were still in love with Phil.

I wasn’t sure until I saw the relief on your face of finding him. I nearly didn’t contact them tonight. I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

Andrew finished his monologue, Phil and Melinda, sitting there in stunned silence.

“So your jealously made you into an evil person?” May answered angrily.

“Andrew, nothing had happened between us until that night. And you purposely manipulated us to get to that point. Why not just talk to me and Melinda about it? We could have assured you, back then, that nothing was going on. You and Mel could have taken some time together, figure out stuff. I wouldn’t have minded just stepping back for awhile.” Coulson managed to say, his strength gaining. He was amazed how good he felt. He wondered if Melinda had something in her drugs that was more than what you could get at a hospital.

Before Andrew could answer, the door broke down. Instead of it being Andrew’s contact, it was none other than Nick Fury. He bashed Andrew in the head, knocking him out. “Let’s get you guys out of here before Andrew’s friends come.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Melinda said, helping Phil get up. A few agents cuffed Andrew and dragged him out to the Quin-jet.

“Our base has been compromised, Nick,” Phil replied as they got him strapped into a stretcher and rolled into the plane.

“I know, Melinda was able to send out a distress call when Andrew was monologuing. Got the whole thing recorded. That guy sure loves to talk, doesn’t he.” Nick shook his head.

Melinda replied in agreement, “Yes, he does.”


	7. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is feeling better after getting treatment, and Melinda and Phil finally open up to each other.

Nick had dropped Melinda and Phil off at a secure SHIELD medical facility, before bringing Andrew to HQ and interrogating him. He had to know how deep the infiltration went.

It only took a day of tests to release Phil to a private recovery bunk, where he could rest and sleep in peace. Melinda knocked quietly on the door.

“Come in!” Phil said enthusiastically, feeling amazing after whatever concoction of drugs SHIELD gave him.

Melinda came in and saw Phil’s usual spark in his eye. She smiled.

“That’s something I haven’t seen in awhile.” Phil said, motioning for her to sit on the bed.

“Yeah, haven’t felt like smiling in a long time.”

“I can imagine. Are you doing okay? I mean the thing with Andrew, that was a lot to take in.” Phil rubbed her back.

“Better than I thought I would. Honestly, it makes it easier to accept how I reacted after everything. And the fact that he manipulated us. He wanted me to cheat on him. That’s just so nuts.” Melinda rested her head on Phil’s shoulder.

“I know. He could have just come to us directly. I mean, obviously we had feelings for each other, but we never acted on it until that night. If Andrew had just talked to us, we could have figured all this out.” Phil responded, feeling frustrated about the situation.

“So, now what do we do? I’m in the CIA, you are SHIELD. I mean, I’d love to be partners again, but…” Melinda replied, taking her head off his shoulder to stare into his caring blue eyes.

“Well, Fury messaged me earlier with a great idea. You could be CIA’s official liaison to SHIELD. Instead of being partners, you’ll be my consultant. As it turns out, there’s no rule about fraternizing with consultants, just partners,” Phil grinned, reaching over to play with Melinda’s hair.

“Fury, that sly dog,” Melinda returned a smile and gave him a very long kiss. Phil rubbed his hands down her spine. She put her hands under his shirt.

She reached his wound.

“Owwww.” Phil gasped, realizing he still wasn’t 100% healed.

“Oops”

The two laughed, causing Phil to groan even more. “I guess we will to wait until I’m healed.”

Melinda laughed, a joyful laugh that echoed through the room, “I’ve waited this long. I can wait longer.”

“Of course it would happen that the first night we could sleep together, I’m injured,” Phil pouted as he put his shirt back on.

“Damn Phil. You got ripped,” May started checking out Phil as he flexed to put the shirt over his head.

“Well, that’s my happens when my bodyguard leaves me,” Phil teased, enjoying some lighthearted flirting. It felt good to be just them again. It had been too long.

“Your bodyguard? Is that all I am to you?” Melinda smirked, rubbing her hand along his thigh.

Phil shuddered, in a good way, “You know, maybe, if we were gentle…”

Melinda laughed again, “Nope. Doctors orders, you need to rest. But looks like this bed can fit the both of us. Here, take these meds. I’ll sleep with you. You’ll feel much better in the morning.”

Phil popped the pills into his mouth, “What are these?”

“CIA issue rapid healing pills. They are in the testing phase. But we need you to be shipshape as soon as possible!” She slapped him on the back.

“And by “we” you mean, you, because you want to have sex with me.” Phil smiled, loving the tension in the room.

“Absolutely. So scoot over, make room. The pills will make you sleepy, and a little loopy, so I’ll stay in here so you don’t do something stupid.” Melinda grinned, taking off her shirt, leaving just a sports bra underneath.

Phil gaped at her, “You are just torturing me now, aren’t you.”

But within minutes, he got very sleepy. May watched him for a good half hour, before snuggling close to him in the bed. His breath became calm, and she breathed the same rhythm. And for the first time in many, many years, she slept peacefully. 


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew is introspective of why he betrayed Melinda and Phil.
> 
> Melinda and Phil start a new kind of partnership.

Andrew had finished another long day of mental health evaluations. Instead of being at a fancy SHIELD base, he was in the dark secret basement of a SHIELD mental hospital. They had sent Andrew there for two years, to work off his sentence of betraying Phil and Melinda.

As he talked back to his small room on the campus, he started to do a little soul searching. Why had he betrayed Melinda?

_I was jealous. From the very first time I met Phil. They had a familiarity together that I knew I wouldn’t get with Melinda. They were friends, companions, brought together by danger and loyalty and partnership._

_Melinda and I were brought together by fun dates and Melinda’s desire to have a life outside of SHIELD. We eloped just a month after dating. Barely time to become friends._

_It wasn’t long after that, Melinda and Phil went on more and more missions together. I think the second time I felt very jealous is when they admitted to me they had an undercover mission and had to “fake” sleep together. Imagining Phil in bed with my wife, even undercover, just acting, was more than I could bear._

_But I didn’t want to seem needy or weak. Who wants a jealous husband? Melinda had told me so many times that she hated jealously in men. And so, of course, I hid that jealously. And then it brought me to spying on them._

_Melinda was hurting, scared, suffering from PTSD. And instead of being there for her, showing her she could find rest with me, I betrayed her. Even once I get out of here, I’ll never see her again. I’ll never love again._

>>>

Melinda woke up to the smell of coffee. Her husband, Phillip J. Coulson had already put a pot on. She had gotten use to the smell and taste of coffee, not because she drank it herself, but that man loved his coffee. And loved kissing her after downing two cups of coffee every morning before work.

Phil set down a hot cup of chai tea for Mel.

“You know, if you drink that and we make out, our mouths will taste like a dirty chai,” Phil said mischievously.

“You are the only agent I know that can take a crappy safe house and turn it into a den of sensuality.” Melinda answered. The two were in a safe house in Colombia, hiding out from the drug cartels who had an 084 in their possession.

“What can I say? I’m just that scrumptious,” Phil answered, kissing her deeply.

Melinda licked her lips “Hmm. You’re right that does taste good.”

Phil and Melinda had gotten married shortly after Phil had fully recovered. He had asked if she needed more time, and she said “enough time has been wasted”

Andrew had gotten off with a small sentence, by turning in the other moles in the base. That meant he had made a lot of enemies, and had to go into witness protection. Which was SHIELD speak for getting to some forgotten base to do hard work. Phil had felt it had been a worthy punishment.

Melinda didn’t talk about Andrew much. Whatever had happened to him remained a mystery. How had he become just normal guy into a jealous, self-serving psychopath?

Phil knew that jealously could turn bad and some people just kept down a dark road and didn’t turn back. Got themselves deeper into trouble. He was sad himself, because he used to consider Andrew a friend.

But Phil couldn’t be too sad, because he was married to the most beautiful, badass CIA agent in the world, because he could still feel at home with her in some dinky safe house in the middle of South America.

And that meant the world to him.


End file.
